ET in a bookstore

Hi, Silvia and all -

I haven't posted on this list before - have been in a long period of
silence - but I know many here from participating in Susan's
wonderful Berkeley class. I had a particularly wonderful time with
EmoTrance this weekend - among many over the last few months, but
this one blows me clean away and I want to share it.

I've spent the last 3-1/2 days at a wonderful spiritual conference -
great speakers, amazing music, deeply loving meditation rooms,
labyrinth walking; deep processing both painful and joyous.. and one
great danger: The Bookstore (cue shark music here). Yummy books,
tapes, music, jewelry, objects... sigh. All my life I've gotten into
deep trouble in bookstores. Clothes, feh. Books, a goner.

I walked in the first night and thought, I'm sunk. (Did I mention
that my finances are beyond perilous as I am recovering from a second
major car accident? And that among the walls and stacks of books in
my home are way too many that I haven't read yet? This of course made
no difference to how much I wanted to buy stuff. None.)

Then I thought, No, I want to enjoy this room as much as I enjoy
everything else here, and I remembered the discovery in the workshop
that you could experience all the wonderfulness of a book without
having to buy it.

That first time in, I just wandered, ET'ing the whole room in great
waves, from all vantage points. When I felt nourished and full, with
no more "waaah, I want that and that and that," I left and went to
the prayer room, so grateful that I hadn't turned the wonder of this
conference into guilt, shame, anxiety over buying things I couldn't
afford out of a feeling of not-being-OK without them. I was more than
OK, I was in a kind of high peace.

Every day I went back to the bookstore and ET'd in a different way -
drinking in, through and out all the creativity of the wonderful
jewelry; the energies in the posters/drawings/T-shirts of great
masters; the energies of the music CD's - and around and around
through the books. I ET'd them just from their covers, or I stood and
read whole chapters and took them in. I appreciated them so fully,
ET'd the energy, and then... put them back. Happily. And left each
time without buying anything, not in a state of deprivation but
feeling full and complete and appreciative and free.

The last day (today,) it was ridiculously easy to quietly,
consciously choose which books and music are actually useful for what
I'm doing now, and will not just add to the stacks at home. Turned
out (duh) it was easily and comfortably VERY few. (And since it was
the last day, they were all 20% off which made me giggle.)

I don't know if this is easy for other people, but feeling this
whole, complete and ridiculously happy in a great bookstore full of
things I'm NOT buying is an absolute first for me.

Wow.

Peace & Blessings,
Noelle

           
Received on Sun May 04 2003 - 17:50:49 BST